Tonight, I saw what will probably be the last thing I see in the 2010 resident troupe fall season. I've been at the theatre every day since Thursday, like a groupie freak, but it was very important to me to see everything one more time before the season is over. I cannot believe how much I have learned over the past three months just by watching this incredible group of actors. Each show this season has touched me in a different and profound way and their work truly amazes me each and every performance. It is one of my favorite parts of being where I am.
I have always been one of those people who has a hard time letting things go. This is probably a horrible trait to have going into theatre, where things are in constant flux. I know I always feel this great lump of depresson when shows I am in come to an end and casts part ways and all of that magical unity breaks down (which is part of the reason I love to do what I do). I am feeling somewhat similarly about the end of this season. I have come to know and love these shows and despite knowing that new and equally spectacular things are to come, the thought that I can no longer have a horrible day and go see Wild Oats and leave genuinely happier is somewhat sad to me.
I could, if I so desired, go to see Fair Maid of the West for what would be the fourth time, tomorrow afternoon, but it I do so there is no way I'll get my school work done. Somehow in the process of compartmentalization and self-justification, I forgot about the second paper I have due on Tuesday as well as the rehearsals and scenework I have in the next three days. I am kind of over this semester. I've learned a lot and now I want to move on to new things - namely, not writing papers. The more I realize the type of work I enjoy - reading, discussion, performance and all things that accompany it - the more I realize that I am not cut out for a life of academia. I just want things to happen. I have no patience. I want to work on one thing, constantly, and that is becomming a better artist. A lot of the things I am doing just feel like I am doing something for the sake of doing something.
Before this gets too angsty, things are happening. Maybe they'll be big things, and maybe they won't, but they are things that I want to do right now, and having something to look forward to is the best way to keep things going along happily. In three days, I'll be on a train home. I'll get to see my whole family and my friends and, of course, my dog. Then Christmas is sooner than soon. I have many things to look forward to in the upcoming semester and beyond and, as I say whatever kind of weird goodbye I have to say to this cluster of shows, I look forward to what is yet to come.
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