The Art of Procrastination

Masses of homework stretch before me, like an endless sea of black and white verbosity filled with paper cuts and despair.

Alright. It really isn't that serious. What is serious, however, is the procrastination storm that has taken over my life. I enjoy learning. I really do. Acquiring knowledge is one of my favorite things, especially when it is knowledge that enhances something I am interested in or passionate about.

I think the problem I am having right now is due to the fact that once I get a certain amount accomplished, I start congratulating myself and, as a result of celebrating too soon, I mentally shut down and getting anything else done becomes an epic battle between my brain and every other force of nature up to and including the major importance of cleaning the liter box over and over again.

So, as a little break and treat to myself (and EVERYBODY else. I know. You're welcome.) here is a brief list entitled:

"Things I'd Rather Do Than Read Metrical Art"

1. Watch Spongebob Squarepants. All day.

This may seem obvious. And it really is. I'd rather watch Spongebob Squarepants all day than do most things. It made it on to the list because we really just did spend 45 minutes watching season two. Don't judge. It is a fantastic show.

2. Make onion dip and drink copious Rockstar energy drinks.

These are also activities I've done today in lieu of my reading. I enjoy both for different reasons. The onion dip means that a) I have company, because who makes onion dip for themselves? and b)I am satisfying others, because really, I make pretty damn delicious onion dip. I like making people happy. The Rockstar part is more "for me". Functioning at high levels of caffenation tricks my brain into thinking I am more productive because I am not falling asleep in my book. However, most of the time, I just get so wound up I end up having a dance party... by myself... at 2 a.m.

3. Clean Party Cake ice cream off the counters.

It gets EVERYWHERE and never comes off ANYTHING.

4. Shop.

I usually don't like shopping at all. But suddenly Wal Mart is like Willy Wonka's fucking factory and I've won the golden ticket!

5. Light myself on fire.

I realize this list just took a turn for the drastic. And I probably would immediately regret lighting myself on fire. On the other hand, the long term repercussions might mean NEVER having to read this book at all. So that would be cool. Painful and absolutely beyond horrible. But totally the silver lining.

6. Clean the liter box WITH MY BARE HANDS.

I am cat sitting the roomie's cats this weekend and MAN, do they poop a great deal. I have cleaned the liter box A LOT and it is just the most unpleasant task I could imagine. Remove the handy dandy liter shovel and it would be a million times worse. But I would do it for the reward of a Mertical Art-less night.

7. Have explosive diarreah. For days. (contributed by Elizabeth R. Thanks lady!)

I don't feel that this one needs explanation.

8. Have a violent encounter with a flock of angry chickens.

This has actually happened to me. When I was in third grade, I was on a school field trip to Waterloo Village, a delightful recreation of early Colonial American settlements. I was eating my lunch at the outdoor picnic area when I heard rustling and muted clucks in the distance. Suddenly, in a cloud of smoke and fire, a flock of angry chickens came cresting over the mountain and formed an angry chicken cluster under my picnic bench, forcing me to stand on the table in my awesome saddle shoes, holding my PBJ as high as possible, screaming for mercy.

And I would do it again.

9. Have the cat sneeze in my ear repeatedly.

This already happened today. It was disgusting and did not in any way negate the amount of work I have to do. On a related note, what is WRONG with this animal? I have never met a cat that sneezes as much as this one. It is just constant. I am concerned. And I wish it would turn its face or something before it sneezed right in my ear canal.

10. Write blog posts about things I'd rather do than read Metrical Art.

Damn skippy!

Really wish that had worked out.